Valentines Bah, Humbug



I don't celebrate Valentine's Day though I would if I could. Like a shot.
It's pagan origin precludes it for me, however.

But in reading around the net today I noticed a theme from women and men on the custom
of giving a card and/or candy to someone you love or are thinking fondly of and found the reactions interesting. Here is one example.

The logic goes that since men hate the day it should not exist.
Men concur. Valentine's Day, like birthdays and anniversaries, Mother's Day and other holidays were simply a way for the card manufacturers to make a buck and besides you can tell someone you love them anytime , not just one day a year.

Nice but no cigar. That is an excuse to do nothing.

Problem is the men who think such things probably never tell anyone they love them let alone once a year . Men seem to be of the almost universal opinion that talk is cheap. It can be. But for women, talk is important.
Women relate through conversation as well as actions.

Guys insist they struggle to make a living for their wives. This is the proof of the love. Okay, fair enough in some cases but ...
They would be making a living wife or not. That's an excuse. Money interests men, success and power too, and they would be out there slugging wife or not.

You won't hear these same Scroogey sentiments said about the NBA playoffs or SuperBowl Sunday.
Most women have no use for football or basketball really. Left to their druthers they would sooner watch a chick flick or do something entirely different. There are a whole lot of women, however, who make a big to do for their men on those days making sure the guys and their pals have snacks, dinners, etc. And, many of the women join in and watch, a significant number of them doing it for him, for them, etc.
Now it's true, most men don't care if women like sports or not. They don't care if women watch with them or not. They probably don't care much if women make a big to do or not either. But if someone goes out of their way to make it nicer for you.... well you know what I mean.
But women do care about things men believe are the little things.
Girly girls do that is. The macho babes might not, but the rest do care a lot. And I don't just mean Valentine's Day.

The scuttlebutt around women is that most men in their lives do not celebrate or remember anniversary days, birthdays and if they do, it is with dread and lack of care.
Most women say their men rarely if ever say "I love you". To women, if you don't say it, you don't feel it, arguments to the contrary. It is also cruel to deny someone something they need.
So that one day a year is too much to ask. Well according to most of what I read, it is.

17 comments:

  1. Which all goes back to just how shallow and self-centered the vast majority of the male of the species is. : )

    I've only known two guys who absolutely lived for their anniversary, wife's birthday and Valentine's Day, and any day in between, they are my Uncle Cliff and Steve Burke.

    Steve was pathetic. LOL He'd run around campus with a catalog asking women who knew his wife what they thought about this outfit or that necklace, etc. Always making sure it wasn't just in his mind that she'd look fantastic in it.

    Needless to say, Steve made the other women sit in envy. : )

    Steve always appreciated his wife and tried to show her in every way possible. It's a pity more males aren't like that.

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  2. compare Valentines Day with Tu B'Av


    Tu B'Av (Hebrew: ט"ו באב, the fifteenth of the month Av) is a minor holiday in the Hebrew calendar. While in the days of the Temple there was once many religious customs for this holiday, today there are no special religious customs, apart from the omission of Tachanun (a penitential prayer) after the morning and afternoon prayer services. In modern-day Israel, it is seen as the holiday of love, Hag HaAhava) and known as the "Jewish Valentine's day".


    The fifteenth day of Ab was a popular holiday during the Second Temple. The holiday celebrated the wood-offering brought in the temple.( Nehemiah 10:35) Josephus refers to this holiday as the Feast of Xylophory ("Wood-bearing").

    According to the Talmud, Tu B'Av was a joyous holiday in the days of the Temple in Jerusalem:

    Unmarried girls would dress in simple white clothing (so that rich could not be distinguished from poor) and go out to sing and dance in the vineyards surrounding Jerusalem and the young men who had not yet married would go to watch and choose among them wives for themselves.

    The Talmud states that there were no holy days as happy for the Jews as Tu B'Av and Yom Kippur. Various reasons for celebrating on Tu B'Av are cited by the Talmud and Talmudic commentators:

    While the Jews wandered in the desert for forty years, female orphans without brothers could only marry within their tribe, to prevent their father's inherited land in the Land of Israel from passing on to other tribes. On the fifteenth of Av of the fortieth year, this ban was lifted.

    That same year, the last of the generation of the sin of the spies, which had been forbidden to enter the Promised Land, died out.

    The Tribe of Benjamin was allowed to intermarry with the other tribes after the incident of the Concubine of Gibeah ( Judges chapters 19-21).

    Cutting of the wood for the main altar in the Temple was completed for the year.

    The nights, traditionally the ideal time for Torah study, are lengthened again after the summer solstice, permitting more study.

    The Roman occupiers permitted burial of the victims of the massacre at Bethar. Miraculously, the bodies had not decomposed, despite exposure to the elements for over a year.

    Modern times

    Although the day has no specific observances in modern times, it is considered an auspicious day for marriage.

    It also marks an informal "high" to counter the "low" of the Three Weeks leading up to Tisha B'Av. Is considered in modern times to be a sort of Jewish Valentine's Day, an optimal day forweddings,proposals, and romantic dates in Israe

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  3. Anonymous7:26 PM

    "I Love You." Okay, probably not... that was just for posterity. I honestly did love someone once, but it's not good to love someone who is involved with somebody else.

    In other news, I don't watch sports, not even on the news. I am a man (as far as I know anyways) and I can't stand to watch people run around after a ball on a field or court. Mostly I spend all my time alone, reading and watching things about cars. I'm boring, unattractive, and poor. Women don't want guys who don't watch sports, are unattractive, and poor (at least that's what I tell myself).

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  4. Bah NBA playoffs and Superbowl Sunday too

    that said people should show their care every day

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  5. Yochana said...

    Which all goes back to just how shallow and self-centered the vast majority of the male of the species is. : )
    _____________________________________
    You have a low opinion of men!!!

    I was always kind of intimidated with Valentines day as a kid. I never knew if those I gave valentines to wanted them from me and If those I received meant them in any special way.

    Later on the commercial superficiality of the event also put me off. It's kind of hard to take a Hallmark generated holiday seriously.

    I was never one to conform to that which by artificial convention expects me to behave in line with those conventions. Especially when they are a product of American corporate enterprise.

    I guess I would fit your negative opinion of the shallow male gender. LOL


    I notice among other things you are one of those weird people that have sold their lives if not souls, to the feline species.

    I have I think at last count ten of my own, and feed daily some 30 homeless street cats who hang out around my house and on my windows till fed.

    I have a dog and own a horse.

    I think I like most people who care for animals.

    I know we share a common characteristic.

    We are all just a little nuts.

    I know I am.

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  6. Knish said.."that said people should show their care every day"
    Most do to their own satisfaction but it's about telling someone else as I said in the post. So typical male answer.

    **********************
    anonymous said:"Women don't want guys who don't watch sports, are unattractive, and poor "

    Then how do you explain all the unsporty, poor and unattractive guys at PTA meetings?

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  7. Yamit33 said:"the young men who had not yet married would go to watch and choose among them wives for themselves."

    Uh huh.. see? Guys doing the choosing. It's always been a man's world.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lemon said...

    Yamit33 said:"the young men who had not yet married would go to watch and choose among them wives for themselves."

    Uh huh.. see? Guys doing the choosing. It's always been a man's world.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I know you don't believe that statement for a moment.

    "A man chases a women till she catches him"


    Was true then and it's true today.

    We are all manipulated and silly putty in a womens web.

    Can't complain though we are all willing participants in the age old mating game.

    Women seem to have the innate ability to somehow allow the male to believe he has some control.

    Total fallacy.

    Y

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  9. In all my life I never chased a man, nor do I know, out of the hundreds of women I do know, any who actively chased men.
    Nor did I ever think of men as a "game" or that I was playing a game.
    I do think some men see any kind of friendliness on a woman's part to be "flirting", which is kind of sad.
    Women do not believe they have control nor do they think they are allowing men to think they have control.
    I don't know any woman of my acquaintance that puts that kind of calculating thinking into things.
    Why view women are manipulating or as using "webs"? Why not just view them as people on an individual basis.
    We are not a club, we are individuals with different ideas and personalities.

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  10. Yes, Valentine's Day is over commercialized, but it gives men and women a reason to stop and put things in perspective.

    Today I just heard of a friend whose 49 year old wife suddenly became ill and within 12 hrs died. A loving wife and mother with children still at home, gone, never again in this life to give and receive the love God intended for each other.

    I hope all married couples every day, not just on Valentine's Day speak love to one another.

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  11. The truth is that if they did tell one another I love you daily, there would be no commercial use of Valentine's Day as it would be redundent.
    The holiday is a commercial success simply because people are starved for affection and love.
    Women thrive on being told they are loved and if all they can get out of a man is once a year, they will take hold of it.
    Sad but there it is.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lemon said...

    In all my life I never chased a man, nor do I know, out of the hundreds of women I do know, any who actively chased men.
    Nor did I ever think of men as a "game" or that I was playing a game.

    _____________________________________

    First Lemon let me say; Where have you been all my life? I am not being facetious!

    I plead guilty to generalizing and even stereotyping women in my comment. That said, I have met many women who do fit that stereotype and If I may be candid I would say the majority of the women I have known to a greater or lesser degree do fit my flippant description. Certainly not all.

    I know of no man that respects women more than myself. My closest friends except for a very few have always been women. I find most women to be not only more interesting than most men. I find women are usually smarter as well. They are more intuitive and possessing a level of common sense mostly lacking in guys.

    That said,

    May I remind you of your opinions re; current fashion statements and your criticism of Sarah Palin over the shortness of skirt and the showing of too much thigh? Your comments re: Palin as only one example of which I substantiate much of what I based my opinion upon re types of female manipulation which I omitted giving descriptive examples in my comment.

    __________________________________
    Lemon said...

    I do think some men see any kind of friendliness on a woman's part to be "flirting", which is kind of sad.
    ___________________________________

    I can see where some men might misunderstand friendliness for flirting but then that would go to the specifics of the interaction and the personalities of the couple involved.

    From my experience if there is no sexual Chemistry involved, then most guys will never misunderstand friendliness for anything but what it is.

    Sexual attraction by either man or women can screw up what could otherwise be a normal platonic relationship between the sexes.

    ___________________________________

    I would find it difficult to maintain a normal platonic relationship with any women I felt a strong physical or emotional attraction to.

    Would that be insulting then to those women I liked but was not attracted to?

    ___________________________________
    Lemon said...



    Women do not believe they have control nor do they think they are allowing men to think they have control.
    I don't know any woman of my acquaintance that puts that kind of calculating thinking into things.

    ___________________________________

    I believe you! But I have to say we have apparently very different life experiences. I apparently have been mixing with the wrong women or at least too many wrong women.

    I can't honestly comment on that which I have little experience. I'm not dogmatic on this just speaking from my own life experiences.

    I've already conceded having generalized and stereotyped women so I concede that there are women who don't fit my previous descriptions. They became my closest friends.
    ___________________________________
    Lemon said...


    Why view women are manipulating or as using "webs"? Why not just view them as people on an individual basis.
    We are not a club, we are individuals with different ideas and personalities.
    ___________________________________

    Oh I do view women as individuals with different ideas and most definitely with specific and unique personalities.


    But then, what's good for the Goose should be good for the Gander and the descriptions of men depicted here (to be fair) should be viewed according to the same standards that you want from us/me.

    We men should not be categorized

    and stereotyped either.LOL

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  13. The professor's comment to his crony in "My Fair Lady " speaks volumes about the male perspective , in many cases..."Why can't a woman be more like a man ?". The responses we receive from them tend to be according to what THEY think is appropriate...not necessarily what we need (even after we've told them exactly what we need !).Women would like their man to know them well enough to KNOW our needs and be moved by love to supply them...and be happy to do so . Is this a foreign concept ? Consider , please , he who holds his car precious . The car's specs and requirements are not only committed to memory , but devotedly adhered to ,lovingly maintained .The merits of said car are conveyed in gushing manner to all and sundry . Not into cars ? The same can be said for tools , sports , stocks and bonds or...ANY interest that consumes a fella . Sadly lacking is this same pride , knowledge of ,devotion , joy and love for his woman . Small wonder "chick flicks " ,romance novels and Valentine's Day cards abound . We are indeed starved for affection , sad those to whom we devote ourselves don't know or care for us enough to appreciate or return that very precious gift of love .

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  14. Yamit, I have a very realistic opinion of the male of the species.

    If more women understood it, they wouldn't go into marriage with an unrealistic view of what their husband will be like. : ) I've yet to meet a married woman (who is honest and not in the perpetual state of denial) who disagrees. : )

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  15. Yochana said...

    Yamit, I have a very realistic opinion of the male of the species

    Your opinion may be justified about some men and not with others.

    Then you are I presume relating to American men and I have been so long removed from your cultural and social scene I can only imagine what it's like today.

    That you seem to think men are self-centered egotistical, insensitive bores is clear but I must say I don't think that description reflects who I am and I am sure many other men as well.

    Now you are being very subjectively one-sided. What about that which men require both in regards to mens emotional and physical needs? Are all women blameless for not living up to a mans expectations? I think not. Most guys can be satisfied and happy with basically simple needs fulfillment. Women I think are much more complicated. I have found that an honest and direct approach is best where each partner relates to the other what the heck they want and need from the other. That is if they know what they want to-begin with? Probably in most cases they don't know before but only later.

    I for one am a good listener and am willing to discuss any matter.

    How's your cats? mine are mostly sick. Sneezing and coughing, each one seems to be infecting another. Not much I can do about it.


    Katy said...

    .Women would like their man to know them well enough to KNOW our needs and be moved by love to supply them...and be happy to do so . Is this a foreign concept ? Consider , please , he who holds his car precious . The car's specs and requirements are not only committed to memory , but devotedly adhered to ,lovingly maintained .The merits of said car are conveyed in gushing manner to all and sundry . Not into cars ? The same can be said for tools , sports , stocks and bonds or...ANY interest that consumes a fella . Sadly lacking is this same pride , knowledge of ,devotion , joy and love for his woman . Small wonder "chick flicks " ,romance novels and Valentine's Day cards abound . We are indeed starved for affection , sad those to whom we devote ourselves don't know or care for us enough to appreciate or return that very precious gift of love .
    __________________________________

    Sounds to me you are lookiong for a male slave. What are you offering a man re: his needs and wants.

    Maybe with some guys that car is only a superficial and emotional substitute for what he is not getting from his partner? Men have needs as well as women, so I've been told. LOL
    ___________________________________

    ReplyDelete
  16. One of my girlfriends just sent me this: Enjoy!
    ___________________________________

    Dear Tech Support,

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
    · Romance 9.5 and
    · Personal Attention 6.5,
    and then installed undesirable programs such as

    · NBA 5.0,
    · NFL 3.0 and
    · Golf Clubs 4.1.

    Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

    · Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

    What can I do?

    Signed,
    Desperate.


    DEAR DESPERATE

    First, keep in mind,
    · Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
    · Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

    Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
    · If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applicationsJewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

    However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2..5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
    · Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

    In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
    · Cooking 3.0 and
    · Hot Lingerie 7.7.

    Good Luck!

    Tech Support

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous4:11 PM

    Please Lemon! Don't ruin my false reality by alerting me to the fact that part of my being alone is choice. My dishonesty with myself is all that I have left!

    I agree with your comment about flirting. There have been many times when a girl said something to me that I just didn't get until much after the fact, and then felt like the dolt I am accordingly. Doh!

    You weren't flirting with me just then? Were you?

    ReplyDelete

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